Self image

A hugely important issue for tweenagers

The statistics tell us that suicidal behaviour, self harming and eating disorders continue to be issues for tweenagers. They are asking questions about who they are and where they fit in (or not, as the case may be).

As young people quite rightly explore their identity as independent individuals, not any longer just the offspring of their parents, always associated with that particular family, they can overbalance into rebellion, disharmony and even hostility. Their search for themselves leads to an inappropriate focus on themselves.

It’s quite appropriate that a new-born baby’s universe begins with mummy and ends with terry (or Pampers or whatever), and the child’s whole life is about being made comfortable from the impositions of tiredness, hunger, indigestion, the need to be cleansed and a preference for undivided attention. But now the baby has developed way beyond believing that he is the centre of the universe.

His entire childhood has been spent in discovering information that proves his dependence on the family unit, whatever form that may take.

…it is said that we have learned half of all we ever learn by the age of five. (Sue Price, Children’s Ministry Guide to Working with Under-5s)

As he grows, he learns that his parents care for him and will make sacrifices for him, teaching him to ride a bike, resist temptation, make friends, eat without making too much mess or noise and perhaps even to pray and remember a few bible verses.

Now he’s rapidly becoming an adult, he’s exploring exciting truths about sexuality which were a closed book before. He wants to have freedom. Now he’s got the chance to earn a little money, and, for these few short years, dispose of it mostly on entertainment — CDs, amusement arcades, video games, DVDs, perhaps alcohol or so-called ‘recreational’ drugs. It won’t be long before the responsibilities of adulthood kick in and he has to work hard for most of the month just to pay for boring things — the gas bill, national insurance or home maintenance. And then, if he’s honest, he has to pay double for a ride on a bus or train, even though he’s occupying the same amount of space (one seat).

Pride

We tend to be me-first creatures; the natural instinct for self-preservation has become distorted by the sin of pride into a self-worship. There are, in my view, two main ways in which this disease shows itself.

There are a lot of scriptures warning us about the sin of pride.

Pride goes before destruction; a haughty spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18)
For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. (Mark 7:21-22)
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. (Romans 12:3)

I have to remind myself that teenage rebellion is natural and part of the way God has designed us. As we’ve already discussed, if a child doesn’t become an adult, then there is something wrong.

But God has put a clock inside each of us, and once the bell rings, there is no going back. With some, the alarm is set for a later time than others, and some may have a snooze button which means that their changes occur in short bursts with long gaps. Nevertheless, the journey to adulthood has consequences not just in terms of bras or beards, but also in attitudes, freedoms, experimentation, boundary-pushing, and so forth.

The seeds of pride grow into strong and rampant blooms when planted in the hormone-rich soil of an adolescent. ‘All parents are wrong, all teachers are hostile, policemen are spoilsports, magistrates are fools, the world owes me a living and I’ve got a chip on my shoulder. Everyone I used to respect seems to have become stupid or unreasonable overnight, which leaves me victim to the advice of the media and my peers.’

Okay, so maybe it’s not as bad as that, but youth culture, media influences and peer opinion all build a picture of a society where young people’s opinions are undervalued and their dreams belittled. Many of the adults in the Harry Potter stories are (at best) negative characters, and the children are so much more loyal, friendly and wise. Compare this with the wise, loving and ultimately positive figures of responsibility and forebearance who suffer at the hands of Just William and The Outlaws; they may disrespected by our hero, but they are never wicked or cruel. In the Big Brother house, the voice of authority is not a welcome one, since he is setting rules, granting or withholding blessing apparently at whim, like an unpredictable parent. Bart Simpson is almost always smarter than his dad; even Sooty squirts Matthew Corbett defiantly with his water pistol. The bad guy is no longer the chap with the black hat; the bad guy is the adult.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. (consistantly misattributed to Mark Twain)

But on the other hand, there is another, more heavily disguised outcome of pride; the me-first syndrome, for which the main symptom is an over-blown preoccupation with oneself.

Extract from Children’s Ministry Guide to Working with 9-13s by Andy Back