Development

Physical, mental, social and spiritual development

Can we expect spiritual development to keep pace with the acceleration of physical changes? Where do the new social skills young teens need come from? Or do they just have to rely on the media and the ill-informed and spiritually redundant opinions of their peers?

As boys become men and girls become women, not only are the changes they experience ones with significant physical repercussions (and therefore social and relational ones), there are also spiritual changes which are taking place. Gone is any excuse about ‘not yet at the age of accountability’. Vanished forever is any sense of childish irresponsibility being the reason for various behaviour — no, this is activity for which the culprit is personally responsible. What she has done cost Christ’s death on the cross to satisfy the judgement of God, for without the shedding of blood there is no remission of sins.

It’s suddenly got serious.

Becoming men is what boys do

While it is sad to come across girls who are aged 12 going on 27, with fiercely independent attitudes, it is equally disturbing to meet 39 year-old chaps who still live at home with their parents, never having established their independence or stood on their own feet.

This is because, I would suggest, children are designed to grow up and become adults. The process should take a while, as there is wealth of learning to be done as well as a great deal of experience to be gained. But it does come to an end, and it is right and proper that one day the child realises he has become a man and can stand independent of his parents. The ultimate expression of this is to leave the home and set up in a place he can call his own. For some, proceeding to further education gives the opportunity to make the break.

Of course he will continue to visit, to enjoy the maternal yorkshire puddings and the security of the counsel of a wise father. Ultimately, of course, there could be a question of providing support for parents who have grown elderly or unwell.

In addition to physical and social independence, which are both God-ordained, there is also the issue of spiritual independence. Some people cast off their faith along with their childishness, in the mistake belief that this is a sign of maturity. Of all the times when a young person needs stability and certainty, it is surely now. Finding ‘freedom’ in the bondage of self-regulation is no answer at all to the issues of new responsibilities.

Coming from a churchmanship where spiritual authority is underlined in a positive way, I think young people can flow from childhood to adulthood with some smoothness. Perhaps this one advantage of having a strong sense of leaders who wield a measure of appropriate clout.

Becoming women is what girls do

In other words, there is a natural progression from being a girl to becoming woman, and no-one can stop it or speed it up (or indeed, slow it down). The process seems in may cases to re-write the hard drive from which the girl access all her programming; all the good parents and teachers have done is erased by teen mags, the values of pop idols, hormonal overload and, of course, the vapid opinion of ‘mates’.

Oh dear, that’s a bit negative. The truth is that many girls make a successful transition despite Follicle Stimulating Hormone and all the joys thereof.

Extract from Children’s Ministry Guide to Working with 9-13s by Andy Back